
The thing that caught my attention was that even in
such a dysfunctional family, the fact is that if there are more than one child,
there is a favored one. That favor is bestowed by a parent is a given. That it may vary from parent to parent and
from time through time is also true.
I was one of two children; the younger and the sole
male sibling. Growing up, my sister was favored by both my parents, but that
didn’t bother me too much, as the differences in how we were raised were small,
and we both received love, nourishment and favors beyond expectations.
My father believed that his obligation was to give
us education commensurate with our ambition and talent and I ended up a
dentist, like him and Joan an architect, one of four in a five-year
program. My father passed away seven
years after I graduated, and my mother and sister got closer and closer,
geographically, emotionally, and in dependency, to a point where they spoke on
the phone every day. I wrote and received a letter from my mother once a week.
Our family was too small for a real reunion, but
maybe that was all for the best as some reunions go terribly wrong.

I finished watching and reflected on how the years
have caused my feelings to vacillate what favor I bestowed on my two sons, as
one would have greater needs than the other.
The favor does not actually have much to do with love as much as it does
attention. There probably is no difference at all in love, but only in the manifestation
of the love, and maybe the amount of time the child is in your thoughts or
daily deeds.
When Mary’s mother was moving from the family house
and home to an assisted living facility near to where one of her middle
daughters lived in Florida, the six children met for two days in Janesville,
Wisconsin, to decide what items to send with her and which to divide and/or
place in consignment. No spouses were allowed, so I can only depend on Mary’s recollection
of events as to what transpired.
There were three events that she passed on to
me: first, the oldest son was so off-put
by the bickering that he threatened to leave after day one. Second, a bowl, which was supposed to go to
one child disappeared and was not found until several years later, when, at a
reunion of sorts, it mysteriously found its way into the back seat of the
original claimant’s car.
The third was when the youngest child left the group
with the comment, “I can’t help it if mother liked me best!”
And perhaps she did…at one time.
Mary’s family survived that event and remain very
close to this day. My sister has died,
as has my mother, so Mary’s family has increasingly become my family. We are fortunate to have the opportunity to
entertain some of them at our home in California and my extending family,
including grandchildren, see their brothers, sisters, in-laws and cousins in
Wisconsin almost every summer.
I can truthfully say that I have no favorites in
that group. But the thought of who they
might be is intriguing.
We had an interesting event recently involving
bees. In my next post I’ll share a few
things I learned from the occasion. You
might find it interesting.
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